He ate my heart and then he ate my brain.

Hey, guys. It's the 28th of December, 2009. I can't even register that in my head. 2010 still seems like a life sentence away.
I like this font. I love fonts.
Well, you know what's on my mind? Underwear.
If you're like me, anytime someone attractive walks out of an underwear store, you picture them in their underwear. I was thinking of that as I was walking out of La Senza today (great sales, but I'm too scatterbrained to focus on a big bin of bras to actually choose one). Anyway, I walked out, and two guys checked me out, and I'm pretty sure they were doing what I always do. It doesn't make me feel violated, it actually makes me feel connected to the world. Everyone does weird stuff that they think other people don't do. Some people can tell, though, when they see someone else doing one of the weird things they do. I usually can. Well, I can't really say that, because if you miss something, you miss something, and you don't know that you didn't see it, because it doesn't exist as a number or a count to you.
I'm feeling pretty pensive today. Haha! Pensive. My ex-boyfriend used to keep his goddamned Myspace status as 'pensive' because he liked the word. Not that he was ever pensive. There isn't really anything concrete that would prove he even has a brain. I hadn't thought about him in a while, but I just heard he lied about a hell of a lot. Sexually. Like fucking me in the ass. That's an exit, thanks. And like me being bad at sex. HA! HAHAHAHAH! Asshole. I was losing my virginity, I wasn't really in a good place for being wild.
But whatever.
The time will come where I won't feel like I need to get back at him anymore. Because I'll be famous, and he'll still be here. Doing nothing. He's also lying about having sex with his current, obviously virginal girlfriend. I really hate guys sometimes. And I hate his guts.
Ohhh well.
What else did I want to talk about? I wanted to post something yesterday. But then I started watching Surf's Up with my brother, and it's friggen hilarious, and Shia Labeouf has a sexy-as-hell voice, so I was distracted. Yeah, I love voices. I love guys with cocky voices who aren't cocky at all.
Alright, I lied. I really love boys. There's one guy I really want right now, but not emotionally. I just think he's really hot. And he's hilarious. And seems to be sensitive enough for my taste. K, so, there's a lot of good emotional stuff about him. But I'm just not in a place where I want anything emotional. Besides, I think he only wants me, too. I'm just not looking for a relationship, I mean, my loneliness is killing me, but I just want something fun. OMG, wait! Isn't that a lyric? It's Britney Spears! What song is it from? Is it from Oops! I Did it Again? I think so. I'm not sure. I just got her new compilation CD, I haven't listened to it yet, but I plan on listening to it later. Okay, back to what I was talking about, because I want to sort this out in my head and on paper. Or, blog.
I guess if something were to happen with him where he wanted more than a fling, I might. But I don't want to be in love. I really, really am over love. For now, anyway. I just don't feel that way. I feel dangerous, I feel bad, I feel sexy, I feel beautiful. I don't feel like being attached. I do, however, feel like kissing someone, or holding hands with someone. And I always feel like doing something scandalous. Having a fling with him wouldn't be scandalous, that's not what I'm saying. I'm just letting you know that I like scandal. Don't get scandal mixed up with drama, please. He's older than me by two years, but that doesn't matter to me. I see him every now and then, and he leaves comments and things on my Wall and on my statuses on Facebook all the time. I don't think about him very often because I don't really know him, but I do get that really squeal-y feeling everytime I see that he's posted something on my Wall.
For once, I don't really know what I want in the way of relationships, and I actually like it. It allows me to just go with the flow. Whatever happens, happens.
I just remembered that exams are coming up. FUCK! I'm so scared of failing Science. My science teacher is so unmotivational, he's practically a fear mongerer. I have Math with him next semester, and he said to my Science class, "If you didn't get 75% or higher last year in Math, you're going to fail Math next semester." Wow. Thanks for the inspiration, asshole. Fine, though. I got 92%. So he can put that in his loser juice box and suck it.
I'm going to go. My dad is freaking out about wireless routers and modems, so I'll allow him to be his weird swearing-in-French self.
xox