He ate my heart and then he ate my brain.

Hey, guys. It's the 28th of December, 2009. I can't even register that in my head. 2010 still seems like a life sentence away.
I like this font. I love fonts.
Well, you know what's on my mind? Underwear.
If you're like me, anytime someone attractive walks out of an underwear store, you picture them in their underwear. I was thinking of that as I was walking out of La Senza today (great sales, but I'm too scatterbrained to focus on a big bin of bras to actually choose one). Anyway, I walked out, and two guys checked me out, and I'm pretty sure they were doing what I always do. It doesn't make me feel violated, it actually makes me feel connected to the world. Everyone does weird stuff that they think other people don't do. Some people can tell, though, when they see someone else doing one of the weird things they do. I usually can. Well, I can't really say that, because if you miss something, you miss something, and you don't know that you didn't see it, because it doesn't exist as a number or a count to you.
I'm feeling pretty pensive today. Haha! Pensive. My ex-boyfriend used to keep his goddamned Myspace status as 'pensive' because he liked the word. Not that he was ever pensive. There isn't really anything concrete that would prove he even has a brain. I hadn't thought about him in a while, but I just heard he lied about a hell of a lot. Sexually. Like fucking me in the ass. That's an exit, thanks. And like me being bad at sex. HA! HAHAHAHAH! Asshole. I was losing my virginity, I wasn't really in a good place for being wild.
But whatever.
The time will come where I won't feel like I need to get back at him anymore. Because I'll be famous, and he'll still be here. Doing nothing. He's also lying about having sex with his current, obviously virginal girlfriend. I really hate guys sometimes. And I hate his guts.
Ohhh well.
What else did I want to talk about? I wanted to post something yesterday. But then I started watching Surf's Up with my brother, and it's friggen hilarious, and Shia Labeouf has a sexy-as-hell voice, so I was distracted. Yeah, I love voices. I love guys with cocky voices who aren't cocky at all.
Alright, I lied. I really love boys. There's one guy I really want right now, but not emotionally. I just think he's really hot. And he's hilarious. And seems to be sensitive enough for my taste. K, so, there's a lot of good emotional stuff about him. But I'm just not in a place where I want anything emotional. Besides, I think he only wants me, too. I'm just not looking for a relationship, I mean, my loneliness is killing me, but I just want something fun. OMG, wait! Isn't that a lyric? It's Britney Spears! What song is it from? Is it from Oops! I Did it Again? I think so. I'm not sure. I just got her new compilation CD, I haven't listened to it yet, but I plan on listening to it later. Okay, back to what I was talking about, because I want to sort this out in my head and on paper. Or, blog.
I guess if something were to happen with him where he wanted more than a fling, I might. But I don't want to be in love. I really, really am over love. For now, anyway. I just don't feel that way. I feel dangerous, I feel bad, I feel sexy, I feel beautiful. I don't feel like being attached. I do, however, feel like kissing someone, or holding hands with someone. And I always feel like doing something scandalous. Having a fling with him wouldn't be scandalous, that's not what I'm saying. I'm just letting you know that I like scandal. Don't get scandal mixed up with drama, please. He's older than me by two years, but that doesn't matter to me. I see him every now and then, and he leaves comments and things on my Wall and on my statuses on Facebook all the time. I don't think about him very often because I don't really know him, but I do get that really squeal-y feeling everytime I see that he's posted something on my Wall.
For once, I don't really know what I want in the way of relationships, and I actually like it. It allows me to just go with the flow. Whatever happens, happens.
I just remembered that exams are coming up. FUCK! I'm so scared of failing Science. My science teacher is so unmotivational, he's practically a fear mongerer. I have Math with him next semester, and he said to my Science class, "If you didn't get 75% or higher last year in Math, you're going to fail Math next semester." Wow. Thanks for the inspiration, asshole. Fine, though. I got 92%. So he can put that in his loser juice box and suck it.
I'm going to go. My dad is freaking out about wireless routers and modems, so I'll allow him to be his weird swearing-in-French self.
xox

I love women.

So, hey homeys. Today is Christmas. No, seriously. It's totally Christmas. Whatevs.
I loved today. It was amazing. I got so many nice things. Tons of makeup from MAC, Benefit, and Make Up For Ever (their Pro line), among other brands. Oh, and a ton of Avon things! I am so happily surprised with the quality of the Avon makeup I got! It's because my Nanny is an Avon consultant. And my mother is an Arbonne consultant. I prefer Arbonne, because you can never really use 'Arbonne' in the same sentence as 'tacky' unless you're using them in this sentence together. It's certified vegan, absolutely no animal products in any way, even the ink on their packaging is byproduct-free. No fragrances or dyes, it's one hundred percent hypoallergenic. Some companies can call themselves hypoallergenic when 4% or less of their test panel reacts, but if anyone on the test panel reacts, Arbonne goes back to the drawing board. Anyway, I'm not a sales pitch. I will just inform you of good brands or products.
I love the Barbie collection by Cake! Smells like cake, man.
I always want to use the term awesome-sauce. But I'm not a geek, or the type of monotonous person who could pull that off. I'm a diva, I'm a fashion know-it-all. I recognized the designs of Alexander McQueen in Lady Gaga's 'Bad Romance' video - and I think everything about this sentence should display to you that I'm no type of person to pull off awesome-sauce.
Have I told you I sing? I have no idea. Whether I have or not, I'll tell you again. I sing well. Well, really well. I took Royal Conservatory vocal lessons for three years. I think that's how I'll first get famous. I can't decide which route to fame I'll take. Ultimately I'm going to be an actress, but I need to have some singing in there. And modeling, I need to model. Because I rock at it, and I love fashion. The modeling will come in time, though, once I'm already known and people want me for their ad campaigns.
I got the lead in the play my school is doing for the drama festival this year. Mind you, I've gotten the second female lead in the past two years' plays, but they were never the primary lead. This one is. I was up against two girls who absolutely despise me. I got it, of course. I always win. Whether I win always or not, I have decided I always win. And since I've decided that I always win, I've won.
I believe in the universe. I can't help it. It's not something I thought up or something that someone told me about, it's not outwardly induced, it's just there. That's why I truly believe in it. And no, I don't mean I believe in astronomy. I mean I believe in signs, I believe in fate and destiny, but I also believe that you create your own destiny with the way you think. Like whether you think positively or negatively, logically or spontaneously, artistically or business-oriented. Not that these opposites can never coincide with each other. But I can never really express to you all the gray area in the world. Nothing is black or white, yes or no. There are always circumstances to everything. Except trying to pass a law in which men can rape their wives. That's a dick move in any circumstance. Dick move being the understatement of all ma'fucking history. I know. It's not lost on me.
I just hate men sometimes. I know that that is a bit sexist, but I can't help it. Come the shit on. We haven't even been legal people, us women, for a century yet. It's only been what? Eighty years? I really can't fathom why men didn't realize that behind every decision, behind every move a king or emperor made, there was a woman. Cleopatra behind Caesar, Juno behind Zeus. Being a woman is the highest honor one can receive, I think. Woman. The word just sounds so... womanly. It's so fantastic to have curves, to not have the chromosome mutation of men, to have such intense bonds, to be bitches. I love women. I am fascinated by them. Men and women love looking at women. I'm pretty much straight, I wouldn't call myself bisexual, but women are just unstoppably, irrevocably, women.
I think this is my favourite post. If you're looking at the way I just wrote 'favourite' and thinking, "Wtf? A 'u'? Is she daft?", I'm just going to let you know, I'm Canadian.
Anyway, I'm exhausted. it's 10:49 and I've been up since 8:00. I know, that's pretty normal. Well, not fo' me, fool.
Exhaustiooooon!
Love you all, all you three followers to this bloggy.
xox

merry christmas ;)

You know what's really weird?
The first thing I reflexively typed in this post was "I'm not crazy. But I feel like it lately."
What the hell? No, I don't?
Anyway, I can't believe another year is over. I know that sentiment is tres passe, and completely overused every December, but I really feel like that.
I haven't posted in.. I don't even know. A couple months.
I feel like my life is going way too fast now. I'm really young, and I feel like I need things to slow down before I get super old, super fast.
Whatever. That's not very interesting.
My grandpapa died about three weeks ago. That was terribly sad, but not a tragedy. He was almost ninety-two, and he'd had a really great life. Death is always sad, always something to think about. But at least I know now that he can be with my uncle, who was lost 5 years ago, in a car wreck.
No, I'm not religious. I don't believe in God so much. I just believe in Heaven.
I can get through life as long as I have signs that there is a Heaven. People finally being together, whether it be consciously or not. That makes life worth it, I think.
And now, on Monday, the uncle I'm closest to had a heart attack. He had two blockages opened up. Scary shit, scary shit.
It's just another sign of the worth of life to me that he lived. Well, not 'just'. It's also amazingly relieving. I love him very much, and in no way does he deserve to die at this young an age - he's only 46.
All I've talked about so far is endings.
The year ending, a life ending. Well, I talked about the non-ending of a life, too. I just get really sentimental around this time of year no matter how hard I try to be a normal person.
Whatevs.
What else can I say?
I am extremely excited for tomorrow. Christmas, baby. I love it. I'm getting a ton of things from MAC, Sephora, and a gorgeous white dress. Along with just about every fashion magazine on the market. Marie-claire, Elle, Flare, Fashion, among others, and of course, the Bible - Vogue! Actually, the three new editions of Vogue. I believe Rachel McAdams is on one cover, Britney Spears on the next, and it has completely slipped my mind who's on the third. Why there are three, I haven't the slightest idea.
But I'm going shopping on boxing day, obvs. What else would I be doing? I seriously hope American Apparel has SOME sort of sale going on in the area of dresses. Or skirts. I really only wear dresses, skirts, leggings and tights. Sometimes I'll wear shorts if they're fashion-y enough.
I plan on getting the Printed Cotton Spandex Jersey Frock, a lovely dress with a boat neckline and a pocket in the front, with an african inspired print, the Stripe Pocket Frock, which is.. well, striped with a pocket and a boat neckline. And the Disco Short! Fancy little hot pants with a high waist. They're just beyond. That's the type of short I will wear.
But I won't bore you with the other things I'm getting. ;)
Anyway, I'm super excited to get those things - WOAH! The lights just went out for about 3 seconds.
Weird.
Well, as an end note, I am completely obsessed with Beyonce's songs Radio, and Video Phone (which features Lady Gaga, except not on the first Sasha Fierce album, but on the deluxe addition, it includes the extended Lady Gaga version, which is.. fierce).
Love you !
xox
Oh! And Merry Christmas!



You can look at my other blog www.howtheylookatme.blogspot.com for my Merry Christmas picture!